This past October, I attended the Western History Association Conference in Newport Beach, California for the first time. It was also the first time I experienced Imposter Syndrome to a great extent, met scholars whose books I read in class (and subsequently tried not to geek out or embarrass myself too much in front of them), and attended many lectures and panels that left me inspired, intimidated, and informed.
I had experienced "Imposter Syndrome" before, especially at the beginning of the semester in my classes filled with colleagues that were brilliant and eloquent and well-read. Apparently, the whole feeling and phenomenon are quite common, wherein junior scholars especially feel out of place or as if they don't belong among a group of those they feel to be more prestigious and noteworthy than they are. My office mates and other colleagues have commented on similar feelings and while it is nice to know that other people go through similar emotions, it does not always alleviate the feeling. In seminars, it could prevent you from talking and, in a conference setting, it becomes all too apparent how lackluster your elevator speech (essentially a short summary of your research during networking opportunities) is compared to everyone else. As one of the few Master's students in attendance (and the only first year's Master's student from UNM), this feeling hit me pretty hard. The people at the conference, however, were nothing but supportive and many expressed excitement at my attendance even though I was just starting out. As I got more comfortable at the conference, I was able to recognize my own place there as a junior scholar, just starting out, but with potential, which allowed me to interact and engage with others at a better degree than I had been.
We all start out as junior scholars at some point, and while it is important to recognize the hard work and prestige of those that are ahead of you, it is also important to acknowledge that they were in your position once. It still may be too intimidating to talk to scholars whose books you've read (entire conversations were had among UNM graduate students about how to best approach such scholars, if it should be done at all, and how to not appear insane or obsessive or just plain silly while talking to them). It can happen, and, hopefully, whatever scholar you are talking to won't snub you (they probably won't), but there are still paths to navigate in approaching seasoned academics and striking up a conversation (it's basically like trying to talk to someone attractive at a bar--or so I would imagine, were I not engaged--but scarier and more intimidating).
Unfortunately, Imposter Syndrome is rather inevitable for anyone starting an advanced degree and for many who attend conferences. However, as I learned at the conference and will probably have to reinforce from time to time, the feeling shouldn't stop you in your tracks and send you packing. It should inspire you to do better, to reach that level of scholar one day. And, of course, it is always important to acknowledge that, if you are pursuing an advanced degree, you were chosen for a reason. As many can attest, graduate school can be quite competitive, and your place in a program is no accident. The department and its faculty had faith in you, just as, I'm sure, so do your friends and family and even your colleagues. It is important to remember this and remember not to lose faith in yourself.
